My fiancée is always telling me crap; "Don’t eat that", "I said stop eating that", "I swear if I have to tell you to not eat poop again I’m going to vomit", "I want a pre-emptive divorce". It’s enough to make a grown Afraz want to slap her in her giant Dutch mouth. One of [...]
19
Feb 12
Update: Updates!
Some guy I possibly work with (I honestly am not sure) has set a challenge to the world. I’m not really sure who this guy is, but on behalf of the human race, I accept! I realise this may be somewhat of an ambitious ambition for someone who hasn’t updated in over 2 years, but [...]
21
Nov 10
Funderground Questionnaire
Sometimes I don’t have to work, save the world, or be intimate with your mother. On those rare occasions, I get to thinking. Unfortunately I’m not very imaginative, and so what I get to thinking are things like; “I wonder what sorts of things piss people off on public transport?”. I decided that once was [...]
31
Mar 10
Government Secrets Hidden in Walls and Posters
I saw this and found it to be hilarious: It reminds me of those "Wish you were here …" postcards, if those postcards depicted the worst possible "here" ever. Only it’s real, and plastered over the territorial army building next to Putney Bridge tube. A realness bought home to me by Captain Mainwaring during my [...]
16
Mar 10
Mutant Powers for All
Today scientists unleashed another horror unto the world; X-Men style regenerative powers via genetic manipulation. So I’ve decided to conduct my own experiment with probable unwanted effects too; prolonged sleep deprivation + keyboard + internet – reading the full article because it’s boring = this post Let’s see where it takes us. Well done science, [...]
16
Mar 10
Persian Festival OF FIRE AND PAGANISM!
Tomorrow night I’ll be celebrating what I’ve dubbed the Persian pagan FIRE FESTIVAL OF DEATH (and rebirth)! It’s called Chaharshanbe Suri, and literally translates to "Wednesday Party", but really, that’s a lame name for a celebration whose central theme involves jumping over goddamn fire. The Wikipedia page explains that aside from trying not to BBQ [...]
24
Jan 10
5 Reasons Avatar Kicks Your Old Best Experience In the Head and Farts In Its Eyes
Atlantis, if something I’m about to make up is to be believed (hint: it is), was the land of an ancient civilisation of super-beings from space, who governed the Earth fairly by showing preference for humans who could fly. No humans could fly, so it was a time of great suffering for humanity. Before sinking [...]
18
Nov 09
New Management
Since we’re not allowed to carry liquids onto planes, take pictures of our law enforcement, or not be randomly tasered, I’m guessing the terrorists won, you know, on account of all the terror everywhere.
22
Sep 09
The Answer
In your late 20′s / early 30′s? Don’t know what to do with your life, but know that it’s not whatever you’re doing right now? Why not go back into education?! Please excuse the addition of an exclamation mark directly following the question mark, but punctuation be damned, this is your life man, and if [...]
07
Sep 09
Digital Fortress — A Review
I love Dan Brown books. I love them for the same reason people love Eastenders; I love them because I’m mostly an idiot. Admittedly I’ve only read two and a half, but this is the Internet, so that makes me a professor of Brownonian studies (with offices next to the enormous scatology department, due to [...]
30
Aug 09
Blue Toothed Blads
Hanlon’s Razor states;
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
The existence of mobile phone shop employees poses a problem then.
