My fiancée is always telling me crap; "Don’t eat that", "I said stop eating that", "I swear if I have to tell you to not eat poop again I’m going to vomit", "I want a pre-emptive divorce". It’s enough to make a grown Afraz want to slap her in her giant Dutch mouth. One of [...]
Some guy I possibly work with (I honestly am not sure) has set a challenge to the world. I’m not really sure who this guy is, but on behalf of the human race, I accept! I realise this may be somewhat of an ambitious ambition for someone who hasn’t updated in over 2 years, but [...]
Sometimes I don’t have to work, save the world, or be intimate with your mother. On those rare occasions, I get to thinking. Unfortunately I’m not very imaginative, and so what I get to thinking are things like; “I wonder what sorts of things piss people off on public transport?”. I decided that once was [...]
I saw this and found it to be hilarious: It reminds me of those "Wish you were here …" postcards, if those postcards depicted the worst possible "here" ever. Only it’s real, and plastered over the territorial army building next to Putney Bridge tube. A realness bought home to me by Captain Mainwaring during my [...]
Today scientists unleashed another horror unto the world; X-Men style regenerative powers via genetic manipulation. So I’ve decided to conduct my own experiment with probable unwanted effects too; prolonged sleep deprivation + keyboard + internet – reading the full article because it’s boring = this post Let’s see where it takes us. Well done science, [...]
Tomorrow night I’ll be celebrating what I’ve dubbed the Persian pagan FIRE FESTIVAL OF DEATH (and rebirth)! It’s called Chaharshanbe Suri, and literally translates to "Wednesday Party", but really, that’s a lame name for a celebration whose central theme involves jumping over goddamn fire. The Wikipedia page explains that aside from trying not to BBQ [...]
Atlantis, if something I’m about to make up is to be believed (hint: it is), was the land of an ancient civilisation of super-beings from space, who governed the Earth fairly by showing preference for humans who could fly. No humans could fly, so it was a time of great suffering for humanity. Before sinking [...]
5. Remakes of Remakes … of Remakes Treasure Island is like Hollywood’s whore, we get that. It’s okay to “re-imagine” this every so often, and pass it around like a crying Philapino maid, we’re cool with that, apparently. But remaking a remake just five years after the remake, and pretending said remake never happened, that [...]
Since we’re not allowed to carry liquids onto planes, take pictures of our law enforcement, or not be randomly tasered, I’m guessing the terrorists won, you know, on account of all the terror everywhere.
In your late 20′s / early 30′s? Don’t know what to do with your life, but know that it’s not whatever you’re doing right now? Why not go back into education?! Please excuse the addition of an exclamation mark directly following the question mark, but punctuation be damned, this is your life man, and if [...]
I love Dan Brown books. I love them for the same reason people love Eastenders; I love them because I’m mostly an idiot. Admittedly I’ve only read two and a half, but this is the Internet, so that makes me a professor of Brownonian studies (with offices next to the enormous scatology department, due to [...]
You may think that only the intellectually bereft use lists for an article’s structure, however if Cracked.com has taught us anything, it’s that this is true. Admittedly, that wasn’t a good use of the word “however”. However, it stands. There are many jobs in London that only the brave, intelligent, and strong charactered are up [...]
Hanlon’s Razor states;
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
The existence of mobile phone shop employees poses a problem then.